the randomness that I call my life

Saturday, December 31, 2011

Goodbye 2011

I am so glad to say goodbye to 2011. I'm not looking for any kind of pity party or anything, but, quite honestly, 2011 has probably been the worst year of my entire life. I've been struggling with so much and so constantly that there have been several times that I was just done and didn't think I was going to make it. Thankfully I have a handful of extremely close friends and I have a family that have been very supportive of me. I'm hoping that maybe in writing this blog, 1: I'll feel some sense of closure by being completely honest with myself and be able to move forward in a way, and 2: maybe help somebody else out there who is struggling with some part of anything I've dealt with and doesn't know what to do.
Those of you that know me very well, know that I have struggled with depression and anxiety for most of my life. My parents took me to doctors and psychiatrists and therapists when I was a kid trying to figure out what was wrong with me and what to do with me. I was diagnosed with different things, such as Intermittent Explosive Disorder and Hypoglycemia. Which I recently found out were probably not the case. But I'll talk about that in a bit.

So this year I kind of hit my rock bottom. Now that's just my rock bottom. Thankfully I didn't get as bad as I probably could have. I know a lot of people that go through much worse before they are able to pick themselves up. But it got bad for me personally. I started spiraling back in January. My therapist recently asked me what I thought had started me going downhill, and I had already been thinking about it, so it was fairly easy for me to pinpoint.

At the beginning of the year, my two best friends in the whole world, had discussed the possibility of dating each other. Now, this probably doesn't sound like a big deal to most people, but our situation is hardly normal. ;) The three of us have been best friends for many, many years. I'll call them P and J. ;) P and J are both gay, and I refer to them as my gusbands. (gay husbands, for those of you not so quick on the uptake) I am very close to both of them, yet my relationship with each of them is very different. First of all they have both absolutely ruined men for me....they are both such genuine, kind, caring guys who are so dear and important to me and I would do anything for either one of them. They’ve both been there for me always, with open arms and without judgement of any kind. I always compare every guy I ever date to them and they never compare, so I probably should stop doing that. :o)

I should probably also point out that P is the only person I have ever been in love with. Many years ago, before he came out of the closet, I was certain he was the guy I was supposed to marry. And he had mentioned it a couple of times....but I think that was just because of the pressure he was feeling from church, etc. because that's what he was expected to do. But I'm not going to go into that here and now because my purpose today is certainly not to offend people. So anyways....long story, semi short....J was in town for a week or so and both of them were coming to me separately, asking me questions and advice about the situation. J was staying with me, so in the mornings before P would get there we'd talk about stuff, and then after J would go to sleep, P would stay later and we'd talk about stuff. But they hadn't actually talked to each other. It became a bit of a stressful situation for me. Which I know they did not intend for that, it's just how my brain reacted.
I wasn't sure how I felt about the possibility of them dating. On one hand it was perfect. On the other hand I knew I would somehow always be left out, even though it was unintentional. And what if it didn't work out? Would I have to choose sides? I couldn't do that. So they finally talked about it one of the last nights that J was in town and decided not to date. I was both sad and relieved at the same time. Then we all talked about it together. I know part of the reason was because of me. Part of the decision was because they felt it wasn't worth risking any of our relationships. Which has left me feeling a little bit guilty at times. I know it shouldn't, because I'm not the sole reason....but it does a little bit. So something during that very emotionally stressful week triggered something in my brain that kind of made me shut down in a way. But they both know I certainly don’t blame them for any of this and we’ve talked about it since. It just is what it is and I love both of them to death.

One of the hardest, and constant things I've dealt with throughout the year is medication changes. Late in 2010 I had finally got into a local clinic's psychiatry program after being on a waiting list. Ever since then, I have been changing medications or changing doses of medications every couple months, trying to figure out the right combination. I've had some crazy side effects and crazy withdrawal symptoms that I wouldn't wish on anybody.
At one point I was sleeping 20 hours a day. And at the opposite side of the spectrum one gave me insomnia. Some that would make me sick anytime I tried to eat anything. Some that make me want to eat everything in sight. One that gave me migraines. A couple that made me super irritable and short tempered. One that made me stutter and not remember words. One that just made me a zombie....I would just kind of sit there and exist. (which would have been horrible if I was on that one during the zombie about being in the wrong place at the wrong time) One of the ones I'm on now makes soda taste flat. And they all make you dizzy. Every single one. Just weird stuff. And the withdrawals are worse.
Part of the problem I was also having is the fact that the psychiatrist at this clinic I have been dealing with is somebody that I do not like. And I've felt that she has not listened to me. At times I would practically have to get into arguments with her to get her to give me what I felt I needed.

One good thing that happened, and I can not thank my aunt enough for setting this up for me (another person who has been incredibly supportive of me through all of this)....was when I took a trip to Utah back in August. I was able to meet with a friend of hers who is a clinical psychologist and pain management specialist. He was just the nicest person and invited me to his house to chat. He was able to tell me what I had after only talking to me for about 20 minutes. I was Bipolar. Which I've always thought I probably was. Other doctors had mentioned that as a possibility, but never officially diagnosed me.

If you don't know exactly what that means.....the easiest readers digest definition of bipolar: Giant mood swings. You go between the high mania parts which consists of euphoria and super energy to the super low of major depression. With a lot of people the mood swings may only occur a few times a year.
More specifically we talked about the fact that I am probably rapid cycle bipolar with possible mixed states. Which means that I personally can have the cycle so quickly that I can literally have both the mania and the depression at the exact same time. While he was explaining this to me I just remember feeling like a light was clicking on in my head. Yes! Yes! Yes! That's exactly how I feel! Nobody has ever explained it to me like that before. Apparently that particular diagnoses is pretty rare and very difficult to diagnose. So now I knew what was wrong with me.
Then came a rush of emotions. Happiness to finally know. Sadness to know that it's going to take time to treat. Anger that nobody could ever figure it out before. I'd been living for 30 years, taking how many medications that were doing me absolutely no good. Because if you are bipolar, taking just an antidepressant can actually feed into your mania. And he told me that all the things I had been diagnosed with as a child and teenager, they are now finding out are possible misdiagnoses for people that are bipolar. Yay, I was a guinea pig.

So when I went back to my psychiatrist here and told her what this other doctor had said, she didn't want to believe it. Her response was "well, I don't really think you are bipolar because you don't hear voices or have hallucinations." SERIOUSLY!??!!? I'm not telling you I'm schizophrenic! And then she also made a comment about not liking to "put labels on people." Well guess what became a psychiatrist. It's your freakin’ job. I'm asking you to put a label on me and send me on my merry way. It took me really putting my foot down and basically telling her that I don't trust her and flat out telling her that I don't think she listens to me, to put me on the right medications I needed to be treated with for bipolar.

So since the first half the year I was getting medications that weren't helping (and dealing with the crappy side effects for no reason), I was pretty much just feeling defeated all the time. Whenever I would be feeling manic I would spend insane amounts of money on the STUPIDEST things. Like, seriously.
Did I need 150 glow sticks? No. Not even remotely.
Have I used the wood drill? Saw? Drill? See I don’t even remember what it is.'s still sitting in box it was delivered in, not even opened. At least I'm assuming that's what's in that box...maybe I should check.
Did I need a Roku? Well, I could use it, but I haven't opened it.
Do I need 100 Sharpies? Yes...that ones not stupid. You can never have too many Sharpies. That was a trick question.
I also spent probably thousands of dollars on music....but that’s acceptable I think. Music is so important to me and at times music was the only thing that kept me going. So if you ever need to load up an iPod.....give me a call.

If I wasn’t manic spending money doing online shopping a lot of nights would be spent just pacing in my room. I would just be super anxious. A lot. All of the time. If you’ve never experienced anxiety....probably the best way to describe it, at least the way I feel it, is like a giant weight sitting on or pushing on your chest, so that you have a hard time breathing. And a feeling like everything is closing in on you. And some of your senses are kind of heightened. Like noises seem 10 times louder than they really are. And sometimes for me this would last for days. Or sometimes I would have a full blown anxiety/panic attack where it would escalate to the point where I thought I was going to explode. And maybe that is the best way to describe kind of do explode. I would hyperventilate. I would shake. I would not be able to stop moving. And sometimes it would be so bad I would find that I would actually start biting on the knuckle of my thumb. I didn’t actually realize I was doing this until after the it was my brain’s way of trying to focus all the pressure that was trying to escape into one place. The first time that happened it really freaked me out. Like I wasn’t crazy enough already....
Sometimes I would just need to drive. Just that feeling of moving would help a bit. But that could sometimes be a double edged sword, because if I was having the depression part too, it would be hard to get the thoughts out of my head of wanting to just ram my car into the giant tree or off the cliff I was driving by.

Then there were just the depressed days. The days I just didn’t feel motivated to do anything. I would just lay in bed. Literally just lay there. Stare at the walls. Sleep. Some days I would watch tv shows or movies. But even that seemed like too much effort at times. And laying in bed for long periods of time is not a good thing for my back pain that I have from my car accident a couple years ago. It just makes it worse. And I’m fully aware of that....but in that state of mind I didn’t even care. It was a vicious cycle.
I found myself often cancelling on friends. Even to do stuff that I loved, like going to Disneyland. Or just dreading going places that I had already spent the money for, like concerts or Broadways shows.....even though I knew I would enjoy it once I was there. It just seemed like so much effort to go. But the thought of having to pretend I was okay in front of people was so daunting. Always having to put on a smile when inside I felt like I was constantly drowning. And the thought of all the people that would be wherever we would be going was sometimes really stressful. Although, I can’t lie...I still have a hard time with that. I just went to Disneyland today and it was super crowded and I was pretty anxious for most of the time I was there.

If you are somebody that deals with depression, you know that some days you just kind of feel numb. Well, that's basically how I felt most of the time. So I started to try to find ways to self medicate or to try to feel something. Anything. I developed some pretty bad habits involving drugs and alcohol. Again, not as bad as I could have....I know some people get pretty bad into drugs and what not. I was always able to function on things I was doing. But I was pretty consistently high over the last year. And I would probably be an alcoholic if I could afford it. Not that I could afford the drug habit at times. Both are a pretty expensive habit. There were even times when I abused the medications I was prescribed. Especially once I found out they weren't doing me any good and my psychiatrist wouldn't listen to me. I quickly learned that crushing up one of my klonopins and sniffing it up my nose would give me a quick high and get rid of my anxiety a lot faster than taking it the way I was supposed to.
I also found myself browsing Craigslist more and more frequently looking for random guys to hookup with. NOT my proudest moments. Sooooo stupid and dangerous. I’m lucky nothing bad ever happened. But, again, just looking to feel something....and that would always give me a rush. Probably because it was so dangerous.
I came to the realization that I had a serious problem when I was keeping a lot of this from even my best friends. Because normally I tell my best friends everything. They know everything about me. And if I was ashamed or embarrassed to tell them something about myself, something was not right. So obviously something here needed to change.

So one other good thing that came of this year is that I finally found a therapist that I LOVE. Which is pretty crazy, considering I have no insurance and I found her at a low income clinic. I have been to several over the years and I have never really liked any of them. I've never had one that I trusted 100%. So I was never 100% honest with them or myself, which really doesn't do anybody any good. And it always was just kind of a game for me when I would go in, to see how much crazy I wanted to let them in on. I had decided this time, before even going in actually, that I needed to fully commit and be honest about everything, and then it turned out that it was a good fit, so it just worked out all around.
So she has been helping me a lot the last couple of months with all of this stuff. Things seem to be going well. And now that I may actually be on a combination of medications that are possibly working I’m more hopeful. I've been on a higher dosage for about a month now, so I won't know for sure for a couple more weeks, but so far so good. I know there is still quite a stigma attached to being on the type of medications I'm on, and I always had a hard time with that as a kid and teenager. But after going part of my life not on anything and then through this year not on the right ones and seeing how low I got, it's worth it. I would recommend to anybody that thinks it might help them to try it. Even a low dose of something could do wonders. Not everybody is as crazy as me and needs the whole pharmacy ;)

I will say I do believe that everything happens for a reason. So maybe I needed this crappy year for the good parts to happen. Maybe I wouldn’t have gotten the help I needed if I hadn’t gotten as bad as I did. So in a way, even though it was the worst year, maybe it was the best year. And, as I said earlier, I’m so grateful for my close friends and family that have helped me through everything. Obviously P and J for all they do for me, H for always giving me a place to crash when I need to get away and for everything else, L, L, M, and K. You know who you are. Thank you and I love you all. :)

And here’s to hopefully a better and healthier 2012.

Thursday, March 04, 2010


It has been an incredibly long time since I blogged. Probably because my life has been pretty boring since the car accident :o)
But anyways....I suppose I should update everybody

Still going through treatments for my back....going to the chiropractor a couple times a week to get 'electrocuted' and been regularly seeing a neurosurgeon.
My parents got me a recumbent exercise bike for Christmas which is fantabulistical! I love it. Been doing about 45 minutes a day on it...trying to get up to an hour. And it has video games integrated into it because my parents don't know me at all...they must think I'm a big nerd or something. Oh wait..... :o) But I really think it's helping out a lot. It's definitely helping as far as my stamina. I'm able to do more for longer without being in more pain. Which, as you can imagine, has been very nice. Not that I'm really close to feeling 'normal' but slowly heading in that direction is a big step for me.
My lawyer (who is a major douche and I can't stand him) actually started to listen to me as of last week, so that's good. He was supposed to be submitting a 'demand package' to the other lady's insurance company. We are guessing she doesn't have much coverage seeing as how she was a high risk carrier and had a suspended after that we will more than likely have to go through my own insurance which will take some time.'s just a super slow process. But a little improvement here and there makes me not go completely crazy. know what I mean.
Been trying to keep busy though.....going to a lot of broadway shows and trying to spend time with friends. My latest obsession:

Mary Poppins

If you get a chance to go see the broadway show....just do it. ('s in Denver right now...GO) I may even offer to reimburse you for your tickets if you go and don't enjoy it. I don't really see how that would even be feasible. It is fantastic. My favorite show hands down. Yes, more than Wicked and more than Rent. My uncle had some tickets he wasn't able to use due to not getting time of work, so Paul and I got to go. They were pretty much the best seats ever....dead center of the orchestra. Awesomeness.

And here's a couple pictures from Paul's birthday a couple weeks ago. We went to Disneyland to see the fireworks...even though it was raining. And it was still a lot of fun =)

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Halloween Time!

So one of my favorite holidays is almost here.....and as you all know, Nightmare Before Christmas is one of my favorite movies. :)
So last week a new cd was released.....with a bunch of remakes of all the songs by different artists. If you are a fan of the movie and/or music it's definitely worth checking out
I think my favorite song on there is probably Amy Lee's (Evanescence) version of Sally's Song.
I got it off Itunes.....but I'm sure it's on amazon and other places as well. It's called Nightmare Revisited =D

And yes, I have been on Haunted Mansion Holiday this year. Not many times, since due to my being a gimp lately I haven't been able to make it up there much. And even when I have I don't last very long. But I've been on it a couple times. And the dining room table centerpiece they have this year might be my favorite. I'll give you a hint......'No! Not my gumdrop buttons!' :o)

Now playing: RJD2 - Christmas Eve Montage
via FoxyTunes

Saturday, September 06, 2008

The never ending vicious cycle of life

So I've decided that life is just out to get me. :o)
Sometimes I wish that I could be 10 again....where my biggest stresses were whether or not I was going to be able to convince my parents to buy me the latest New Kids on the Block cassette or whether I was going to make it home from softball practice to see the new episode of Full House. But then I realize that being an adult is better overall. I guess.

I know that I need stress in my life. I don't function very well without it. But I'd really appreciate some sort of middle ground. I don't function well with large amounts of it either.
So continuing in this vicious cycle of figuring out how to get past the latest crises and waiting for the next one to happen....hoping that maybe I'll actually get a break and have a few days to breathe.....the next one came crashing down. Literally.

I was sitting at a stop light on Thursday afternoon when a lady decided to ram right into the back of me. Yay. I keep change in the little ashtray/trash compartment in the dash, and it popped open and all the money flew out at my face.
Of course my first two thoughts as this is happening are:
"Are you freakin kidding me?!?!?!? I just got my car back last week!!!!!" (from being fixed after the last person that decided to back into me) and "This is seriously going to cut into my nap time that I was so looking forward to"
I seemed to be ok. Just kinda shaken up a bit.
Pulled over. Got out of the car. The lady that hit me started apologizing saying she thought the light was green. Blah blah blah (shout out to Terry) ;)
She tries to figure out all her insurance information. Meanwhile I am looking at my car. The whole back end is completely smashed in. My trunk is popped open and won't close. The tail lights are all shattered.
Then the sheriff that happened to be driving by, pulled over. He was very nice. Asked us both for our licenses and he ran them. Turns out that the lady's license had been suspended. And my neck was starting to hurt a bit. Double yay.
This happened just up the hill from my apartment, which also happens to be just outside of Hillary's she came out to make sure I was ok and stayed with me for awhile. She was very helpful....asking the sheriff questions I probably wouldn't have thought of. I had to hang out for awhile because they had to write up an incident report since the lady's license was suspended. While waiting, 2 other sheriff cars came. Tow truck came to tow the lady's car, since she couldn't drive now (well....technically she wasn't suppose to before either). I decided to drive my car home since it was just down the hill like a quarter of a mile. And thank God it was only a quarter of a really wasn't drivable. The trunk wouldn't stay closed and the bumper was hanging down so far it was scraping on the back tires.
So yeah.....made a million phone calls to get the insurance crap going, my car towed to the shop, making a dr's appointment and getting a rental car-which was a whole other pain in the butt that I'm not very happy with. Currently driving a huge Dodge Durango for over $50 a day. TRIPLE YAY!!!!
Went to the doctor yesterday afternoon. She gave me super strength ibprofen, vicoden and flexirol. :D Which is good....because as of today I am quite possibly in the worst pain I've ever had in my life. I'm trying really hard not to be a baby about it....but dang. My back and neck are killing me.
So hopefully this won't take too long to get all worked out.....but I'm not holding my breath seeing as how there is going to be a whole investigation process because of the stupid lady with a suspended license. *sigh* new current obsession is a new album by Brooke Waggoner. It's kind of folk/pop. Catchy stuff. You should check it out.
I promise to blog sooner than 6 months next time. :o)

Now playing: Brooke Waggoner - Young Friend
via FoxyTunes

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Cheerfully depressed

Apparently several months have gone by without my ramblings.
I guess I've been busy. =p
The last few months have been pretty crazy.....had a lot going on. I can't believe it's already the end of April. I don't really think I have a lot to ramble about....but here's a rundown of some of the things I've learned so far this year:
*You MUST remember to make time for yourself
*Sometimes it's ok and a lot of fun to ditch responsibilities to go goof off with your best friend for an afternoon
*Reality tv in general sucks....and Hollywood writers should never go on strike again. Thankfully they came to their senses and we have new episodes of Lost and Desperate Housewives back ;)
*Even the best relationships need constant work
*There are certain physical activities that are a lot easier and much more enjoyable 170 pounds lighter ;)
*Salads are freakin awesome and much easier to eat everyday when you add fresh mushrooms, broccoli, snap peas and bell peppers (thanks Hillary and Dave) ;)
*Even when you think you have a lot of can always use more
*Mariah Carey songs can sound pretty awesome as emo/rock songs (thank you hottie David Cook....who I've decided is my new boyfriend, by the way) hehe
*My family and close friends really are the most important things in the world to me and I can't take that for granted
*Johnny Depp CAN get even hotter when he sings....even if he is slitting people's throats in the process (that's right....go rent Sweeney Todd)
*You don't always have to put up a's ok to let your guard down and let people know you aren't ok
*The Foo Fighters are freakin awesome in concert...and Dave Grohl is dead sexy
*Dinners with Terry and Leeayn are never a let down ;)

Latest favorite movies:
*Sweeney Todd...obviously
*Enchanted....super cute movie and catchy songs
*Dan In Real of my new favorites!!! Super cute movie and an awesome soundtrack. Rent it if you haven't seen it!
*Juno...another super cute movie with an awesome soundtrack. Very clever.
*Once....yet another one with an awesome soundtrack. They won the best song Oscar this year for Falling Slowly

Most played songs on my non-existent Ipod ;):
*Once Soundtrack
*Dan In Real Life Soundtrack
*Juno Soundtrack
*Sweeney Todd Soundtrack (do we see a pattern here)
*Jason Castro from American Idol (cutie with the dreads) singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow
*Foo Fighters - Come Alive
*Iron and Wine - Boy with a Coin
*Spoon - The Underdog
*Vampire Weekend - M79
*Kate Nash - Foundations (Emmy....have you heard of her??? I love her cd)
*Ingrid Michaelson - The Way I Am
*Jack Johnson - If I Had Eyes
*John Mayer - Say
*The new Radiohead CD
*Janet Jackson - Feedback
*Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown - No Air

And just today the new Madonna cd was released. Of course I downloaded it....I am a huge fan of her last one, Confessions on a Dance Floor. If you are fan of that one you should definitely check out this one. It's pretty fantastic. =)

Nothing else too terribly exciting.......
Oh, I started a third job. You know....because I'm crazy. No, but really it's another easy, work from home thing. Addressing envelopes and postcards for a real estate company. Easy money.
Oh, and I also broke up with the boyfriend. It was fun for awhile, but he just got too needy and I don't do well with that. I really need my space. So he had to go. Unfortunately he acted like a 5 year old and it didn't end well....but whatever.

So I will leave you with a funny quote from Jim on The Office:
"Because right now, this is a job. If I advance any higher, this would be my career. And if this were my career, I'd have to throw myself in front of a train."

Thursday, December 20, 2007


Or more appropriately....2007? Where did you go?
I mean seriously, I know they say that the older you get, the faster time goes....but come on! This is ridiculous. It doesn't seem even a little bit like Christmas to me yet. I think because in my brain it was just last Christmas. Of course it doesn't help that stores these days put out Christmas stuff the day after Valentine's Day, so it's easy to get confused. And yes, that means I still have shopping to do. :o)
So this year has been an interesting one for me. I've had a lot of ups and downs emotionally...unfortunately mostly downs. And I've had a lot of health issues....but things seem to be slowly getting better. Especially now that I'm finally getting over my almost two month battle with strep throat/tonisilitis. ;)
Since surveys seem to be the way to go lately, I'll share this one that a friend posted on myspace:

* How old did you turn this year? 27
*What was your favorite day or event this year? Squishie Girl's Weekend!!!!
*What was your least favorite day or event of the year? Hmmmmm......I guess I'll say the week of the fires
*What was the craziest thing you did this year? lol probably making out with a stranger :o)
*What was the stupidest thing you did this year? I don't think I did anything overly stupid....I might have to get back to you on that one
*Who were you most thankful for this year? My family....including Hillary :)
*Did you quit your job or get a new job this year? Yes...I quit after almost 8 years at TERI. I didn't really get a 'new' job per say....but I did work for Hillary's boss for a few weekends at one of their offices.
*Did you move this year? Yes! Moved into this apartment with Hillary in January. Man....has it really been almost a year?
*Did you make any extravagant purchases this year? I don't think I did.
*Something you did this year that you are very proud of? Um....Losing another 60 pounds to put the grand total around 150 pounds :)
*Something you did that you are not proud of? no yes, there is something, but I won't elaborate :p
*Did you lose somebody close to you this year? No, thankfully
*Do you have any goals for the next year? I want to get back on track on my diet and finish losing the last 60 pounds I want to lose

And then here are some of my favorite pictures from this year:

Larilyn and Jenna with our cousin Josh at our brother's wedding

Hillary and Tigger....I don't think this one needs any more captions than it's already had before :o)

Terry and Leeayn reading and studying the new rules at 'The Club'. How many things are wrong with that sentence?? lol

What happens when the fire alarm goes off at the hotel at 6 in the morning? Kumbaya singing and trust falls. :o)


This guy was standing outside of Disneyland with a sign asking for a free ticket. He told me he's gotten into like a dozen broadway shows in New York this way. I wonder if he ever got in? lol

Dad counting the money at Club 33. lol

Hillary doing laundry


Me and dad at my brother's wedding reception

Braden sleeping with the trash. (it's quite comfortable, you know)

Braden and my dad. This is one of my favorite pictures of all time. =)

Devin and Heather goofing off on their wedding day

When Hillary ripped her pants in the Starbucks parking lot on the way to Disneyland

Hillary and her little brother Brian =)

Jenna, Hillary and I camping in 115 degree weather in Utah

I love this picture of myself. That doesn't happen very often so it's definitely going on here. =p

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Wow, it's been awhile.....

I realized I haven't blogged in forever......
This one isn't really an important blog.....but I found this questionnaire interesting because it had different questions than they usually do.

1. Would you bang your neighbor?
Well the neighbor boys are pretty hot.....but gay. So no, I don't see that happening.

2. What describes your current status?
that's a loaded question.......I'll go with "stressed"

3. Where are you?
in my room in front of the computer

4. What's the last TV show you watched?
America's Most Smartest Model (No Desperate Housewives tonight)

5. I've come to realize the last person who held my hand is...
Probably one of my clients......certainly hasn't been a boy lately :p

6. What is your middle name?

7. Who have you talked to most today?

8. Do you carve pumpkins every year?

9. Color of the underwear you have on?

10. Shirt?
black tank top

11. I'm always...
worried about stupid things

12. Who's on speed dial 2? 4? 6?
don't use it

13. Honestly, how many people do you have strong feelings for?
?? this question confuses me. I love all my family and close friends very much.

14. What's your favorite season?
Fall/Winter....which is the same thing in southern California :p

15. Good advice if you ever go camping?
bring somebody who knows how to put up the tent hehe

16. Are you a bad influence?
well that probably depends on who you ask

17. Are you in love?
with a person? not right now

18. Rather have your name or your siblings name?
I like my name....I think all my siblings names suit them

19. Would you do anything for someone else?
For any of my family or friends

20. Have you ever been called a bitch?
most definitely

21. Best Friend(s)?
Hillary, Paul and Joe
AE: 21b. BFF's?? Terry =)

22. What is your ring tone?
"Love Today" by Mika

23. What song is on?
"Here" by Idina Menzel

24. Are your grades good?
not in school

25. Do you ever think people hate you for filling these out?
don't think so....people usually steal them and do it themselves :p

26. Does your best friend have a myspace?

27. Whose page did you visit last?

28. Last time you went out to lunch?
went out with Paul on Wednesday

30. Who is your favorite character from Friends?

31. Do you have a tattoo?
not yet....I'm such a chicken!

32. Do you want another one/or one at all?
yes....I have like 4 in mind. Wanted a Jack Skellington one for like 10 years

33. Do you have one or more Britney Spears CD?
Ok, I'm not gonna lie....I'm a fan :p Of her music....not her. Kind of like my relationship with Michael Jackson. Wow...that sounds wrong. lol I just like his music.

34. What did you do last night?
I don't remember......I've been sick, so I probably just watched tv or a movie and went to bed.

35. Are you a Lost fanatic?
fanatic really doesn't even come close to describing how obsessed I am with that show

36. Say you were given a drug test right now. Would you pass or fail?
I'd pass

37. Do you have a song by Ozzy Osbourne in your library?

38.iPod or Zune?
Believe it or not I don't have either.....but I'm intrigued by the Zune.

39. Do you watch Family Guy regularly?

40. King of the Hill?
no....can't stand it

41. Do you read trashy romance novels often?
never have

42. What's the last thing you bought?

43. What's the last thing someone bought you?
My dad bought me flowers and medicines when I first got sick a couple weeks ago
Oh...and Hillary bought me a cute makeup bag the other day =)

44. Do you ever sing obnoxiously in the shower?
No lol

45. What's in your CD player right now?
In the cd player in my car is a random cd I made last week.

46. What's your favorite romance movie?
More of a romantic comedy kind of girl......Return to Me would be at the top of that list

47. Another favorite movie?

48. Do you believe everyone has a soulmate?
hmmmmmm.......I don't know about that

49. Can you sing?
I can sing ok I guess

50. Can you play any instruments?
yeah....piano, drums, clarinet and a little guitar

51. Have you ever been to another country?

53. Are you ever a freak about cleanliness or organization?
lol I definitely can be

54. Have you ever been to South America or Africa?

55. Do you know how to knit?
sort of....not really

56. Do you have a job?
2 of 'em

57. Have you ever written love song lyrics yourself and put them on?
I used to write song lyrics......but put them on? on what? I have a notebook full of them somewhere. Well, not all love songs. But there's probably a couple of those.

58. Favorite sports team?
Chargers, Padres, Bears, Lakers

60. Baskin Robbins or Coldstone?
I've only been a couple times, but I think I prefer Coldstone

61. Physics or chemistry?
no thank you

62. Facebook or Myspace?
well I only have a myspace, but I've been told by several friends that facebook is better

64. R-rated or G-rated movies?
yes....I love movies

65. Walk or Run?

66. Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, or Star Wars?
Well I've only seen Star I'll go with that one. Plus if I didn't Kerri might kill me ;)

67. Fly or road trip?
Road trip

68. Batman, Spiderman, or Superman?
eh, not really into the superhero thing. The guy that plays Superman in Smallville is pretty hot though

69. What's your favorite Disney movie?
not counting pixar or Nightmare Before Christmas because those aren't classic Disney....
animated: Sword in the Stone
live action: Summer Magic

70. What did you do for your last birthday?
Hillary, Paul and Patty took me to see Keane in concert on my birthday and the next night Larilyn took me to see "A Light in the Piazza" =)

Name SIX things you did this past weekend
1. sleep
2. work
3. watch tv
4. play video games
5. be sick
6. go for a walk

List FOUR people you can tell pretty much anything to:
Hillary, Paul, Joe, Mark

List THREE favorite colors
1. blue
2. pink
3. green

List TWO things you want to do before you die
1. go on a cross country road trip
2. become independently wealthy :p

That's it for now.....
I promise to blog again soon with more important goings on =)